Change In Progress

What Kind Of Thoughts Are You Thinking?

Last week I was privileged to sit in on a presentation on Emotional Intelligence (EI) led by Michael Thompson and Robert Gramillano of Interlude Coaching.

Just what is Emotional Intelligence? According to the experts it refers to the capacity to deal effectively with one's own and others emotions.  When applied to the workplace, emotional intelligence is about thinking intelligently with emotions, perceiving, expressing, understanding and managing emotions in a professional and effective manner at work.

Emotional Intelligence is not just about the "fluffy stuff" that can't be measured by data.  According to research, EI can have significant affect on an individual's ability to achieve his/her professional and personal goals.  EI accounts for as much as 36% of the variance in leadership success. 

Many times when an organization is wanting to go through a transformation they will bring in consultants.  As consultants we are trained to be leaders.  We are knowledgeable, charismatic, understanding, and have expertise that surpasses the norm.  That's why organizations are willing to pay top dollar to get in consultants to transform their organizations.  We do assessments, come up with a strategy, implement initiatives, work group and training sessions and at the end do a knowledge transfer. But why is it that sometimes, no matter how great of a job a group of consultants did at a client, something just falls apart once they leave.  Something just doesn't quite stick.

The seven competencies of Emotional Intelligence helps change stick. I think EI can be a strong change management tool. So what are these competencies? Is your staff emotionally competent?  Lets take a look....

Understanding Yourself

One of the speakers told our group that he starts most sessions by simply asking, "What kind of thoughts are you entertaining?"  Now, being in a corporate setting I can just imagine executives taking a step back and laughing uneasily at this question.  Perhaps even crossing their arms out of defense.  So why ask this question to your staff? Why is it important to know what kind of thoughts are running through their minds? Because thoughts lead to emotions which lead to action.  For example, your organization might be going through a large change initiative and  you need the support of your leaders. But half way into an implementation you notice that your staff isn't willing to put in the required hours to make the implementation a success.  Their action they are portraying is ambivalence to the project and ignoring the work that needs to be done.  They are also talking very negatively about the project to their co-workers.  How did these executives get there?  What led them to that action?  Take a step back.  Most likely it all started with a thought.  Maybe they feared learning the new software.  Maybe they felt unappreciated for their work. That thought led to an emotion.  A negative emotion towards the company and the initiative which led to the action. Now you are stuck. You don't know what to do, all you know is that this group better shape up or your implementation can ultimately fail. The solution is simple.  People want to be listened to. Ask your staff in a safe environment, "What kind of thoughts are you thinking?" But most importantly this is a question that we should all be asking ourselves.  Positive thoughts lead to positive emotions which lead to positive actions. 

One of my favorite quotes that express this sentiment is from Buddha "All that we are is a result of what we have thought"

Express Your Emotions (Appropriately) And Be Transparent

This is the ability to express your feeling and emotional state appropriately to others.  You need to accurately understand your own emotions  and effectively communicate it to your coworkers and your peers. Sometimes we get so caught up in the negative and what we are missing.  How many times have you started a thought with, "If only I had..."  How about an alternative.  Why not start your sentence with "I have...." This simple change can be powerful.

Understanding Others Emotions:

This is the ability to identify and understand the emotions of others- especially the ones that end up coming up in response to the workplace, staff meetings, and towards leaders of the organization.

The most important thing that you can do as a leader is to validate the feelings of an individual. This doesn't mean you have to agree with them.  You are just validating their feelings. "Of course you feel angry given the situation you are faced with..." and let the conversation go from there. Remember, most people are more willing to listen to you speak if they feel they were listened to when they spoke.  This might be hard, but just sit back and listen, without interrupting with your point of view or your thoughts.

You must appreciate individuals needs and recognize their individual talents and their weaknesses.

Emotional Decision Making

It's silly to set aside emotions completely from decision making.  Some profound business decisions will be made by emotions. Of course there should be appropriate boundaries.  A great book to read is "Blink" by Malcom Gladwell. It focuses on the power of trusting your instincts when making decisions in your personal and professional life.

Manage Teams

This is the ability to manage both positive and negative emotions in your teams.  Take into account effective stress management, positive attitude and reinforcement, direct communication, motivating others and coaching.

Manage Yourself In Teams

The thing that most people fear is how they are perceived by others. So take the fear out. Ask yourself, "How do I want to be perceived by others?" Being aware of this will make all the difference.  Compare how you want to be perceived to the actions you are portraying.

Emotional Hijack

This is what the speakers called "blowing up".  You have to understand how destructive your power can be if not controlled. Set your limits.

In conclusion, no matter how great of a strategy or implementation a group of consultants come up with for your organization, it will not work unless you have a healthy business culture that fosters positive emotions. Evaluate your emotional competency and help others embrace theirs. Build Emotional Intelligent competancies to your management plans.

Ignore Change? Me? No, Never!

In Change Management there are 6 major steps of change. In order to implement a successful change initiative, an organization must be able to guide their group through the following steps- in order.

What step are you on? In terms of personal change, I usually get stuck on preparation for change. An example is that for two years now I have been saying that I want to get fit. I bought a gym membership (which I only used 5 times), I bought a $400 bike (which I only rode about 3 times), I bought exercise video tapes (and sat on the couch and watched the instructors work out), I bought and read countless of fitness magazines (which I read curled up in my bed with my comfy clothes). So why is it that I can't move from prepration to action? Why am I stuck? Obviously something is holding me back, and I can't do it alone.

Each stage of change also comes with tools of change to help individuals move from one stage to the next. The tool I believe I need is supporting relationships. A friend to be my work out buddy. Someone to motivate me and encourage me. My best friend Lee has offered up his services. We'll see if I can move towards action and take him up on it.

Take a look at the stages of change. Which stage do you fit on? If you are stuck, why do you think you are stuck? What tools of change do you need to help you move forward?

Stages of Change

1. Ignore change
2. Consider change
3. Prepare for change
4. Action
5. Habit- Maintain new behaviors that create a new habit
6. Stop old behavior/approaches

Tools of Change

1. Supporting relationship (coaches, mentors)
2. Active awareness- corporate environment and consequences of actions
3. Actively change environment
4. Rewards- self, team, corporate
5. New behavior replaces old
6. New corporate processes-boundaries
7. Clear corporate decisions
8. Self assesment and awareness
9. Commitment (private, public)

21 Year Old Girl vs. 25 Year Old Woman

Something profound happened when I turned 25 last year.  I started to feel like an adult. Even though I had never been the care free young adult, and always had responsibility, there was a sense of innocence and youth about me that I couldn't shake off. As my uncle said it once, I saw the world through a fairytale bubble.

Up until the age of 25, my years during college and post- college were filled with confusion and searching. I didn't know what I wanted in life. Not in my professional life, and definitely not in my personal life. I was desperately searching for something to hold on to- something to give meaning to my life. Someone to hold me high enough and not let me drown in the confusion my early 20s brought forth.

The most confusing aspect about my early 20s was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Since the age of 12 I wanted to be a reporter. After graduating from college that dream was shattered for me. I realized that I had to move to a small city, make no money, and try to climb the newspaper ladder and hopefully one day end back in Chicago. That was just not the route nor the risk I was willing to take. So I felt lost. Everything I thought I wanted went down the drain, and I had to start from square zero.    

One night I emailed an old college Professor of mine. Iris Krasnow. She was probably one of my favorite instructors. I emailed her about my confusion and what I was going through. She wrote back a short email, but the content was so riveting. She said, "Elvin you are not meant to figure out what you are meant to do and what to make of your life in your 20s. That clarity you are searching for will come in your 30s"

I never forgot her advice. It's a long process- I'm sure it will take me up until my 30s to really feel content.    

I think about the girl I was at 21. I was the idealist and the endless romantic in life. At 21 I was okay with making $50 per freelance article I published. I was okay with eating fast food for lunch and dinner every night because I didn't have much money. At 21 most of my decisions were made with my heart.

Then the unthinkable happened. My heart didn't lead me anywhere. I didn't find a job I loved. I didn't find the relationship which satisfied me.  I got my heart torn out time and time again by the cruelty of people and the world.    

A couple years later, I said, "Enough with the heart". I started to logically make decisions with my head. But that didn't work out either. I just went through the motions of getting through the day, and getting through life. It just completely exhausted me. I felt like I didn't have anything to get excited about or to look forward to. I didn't have big career dreams anymore.  What happened to the girl who thought she was going to conquer the world and make a difference?

Then I turned 25. And slowly everything started to change. It's like the dust was finally settling in from the storm.  I just let the chatter quiet down, and just listened to my self. To my heart AND to my head. And to be happy, I realized that I needed to be guided by both. To be happy and content I needed both. To succeed I needed both.    

And once you can find the balance of the heart and the mind, that's when I believe you will find true contentment and happiness. When you can be at peace with your decisions is really when things start to happen for you.

Currently, I couldn't be happier about my professional life. I work at great company with great people, and I love what I do, and the opportunities I have. In terms of my personal life I have a great family and great group of friends. Also, did I mention that I have the most adorable 1 year old dog, Riley? Trust me, he has witnessed and experienced change management with me trying to train him. I'll share more on that during another post!